Spend 10 minutes with me and you’ll hear me say “my most precious resource is time, even more than money.” Now winning the Powerball probably makes that math a little different, but on the main the thing I am most protective of is my google calendar. I wake up at 4:45AM, manage my schedule like a hawk and crash hard at 9:30PM. Everything in between is an exercise in maximizing face time at the office and with my sons, who appear to be changing from boys to men overnight (and with the assistance of a gallon of whole milk per day).
Over time, I’ve realized that there are just some things you don’t have time for as a working mother. Let me rephrase that; there are things *I* don’t have time for as a working mother. If you can pull off one or two of these things, then boy howdy, you are Wonder Woman and I am in awe. Share your secrets, pretty please.
So that you can check your guilt at the door and get on with living your awesome crazy life, I share my list with you:
1. Office Drama. I could argue that NO ONE has time for this, but if you’re trying to finish a slide deck by 4:30 so you can Grace to soccer across town at 5 PM then you do not have time to gossip, pick sides, lobby opposition or send speculative IMs. Keep your head down, be polite and pleasant to everyone and get the hell out of dodge.
2. Personal Drama. That cousin that always makes a snide comment about how awful it must be for your son to have to go to after-school care because you “chose to have a job” or the girlfriend that leaves you irritated, frustrated and wanting after every brunch date? Nope. Don’t have time for them. Do not give people that take from you any blocks on that precious google calendar.
3. Every.Single.Happy.Hour. I love a 5 o’clock glass of house white as much as the next lady, but to quote Elaine Benes from Seinfeld, “every day is someone’s special day.” Someone in your office is always having a baby, getting married, going to grad school or having some other big life event. Great, wonderful, wish them well as they celebrate with their real friends. If you can make one of these a fiscal quarter, you get a gold medal. Attend one with your boss, key client or star employee? BOOM. You’ve won the working momolympics.
4. Pinterest-Worthy Birthdays. Or anything Pinterest-worthy, for that matter. But ESPECIALLY not children’s birthday parties. I used to love Pinterest, but now think it’s the digital epitome of what is wrong with women: rather than inspiring one another, we see ourselves as not as worthy. Don’t let working mother guilt get you here. Kids want their pals, pizza and cake. And order the damned cake, will you? You must finish the Fleischman brief tonight; you do NOT need to track down edible bamboo for the Moana cake.
5. Seasonal Decorations. Outside of the 3 bins of Christmas gear, you won’t find a Kiss Me, I’m Irish sign on my front door or an Easter Egg tree in my yard. If Halloween is your jam then great, go all out, but don’t spend your precious free time tracking down President’s Day-themed laminated place mats for your kids (I did it, it wasn’t worth it, trust me).
6. Errands. There is never joy in running around town for the Bed, Bath & Beyond return, dry cleaning drop off and never-ending Costco run, but if you work 40+ hours per week and spending another 10 commuting (welcome to Washington, folks) then you must lean on the fairies that deliver any- and everything to your door. What used to be the delight of urban areas is available everywhere thanks to Boxed.com and Amazon Prime.
Face it, sisters. We’re more Amazon Prime than Pinterest and we wouldn’t have it any other way.